The walkers lament.

I've walked around all morning looking like I'm crying.
Maybe I am.
Wait that is Johnny Cash's line. I am wearing a black sweatshirt and black hat. Maybe I'm channeling his spirit.
Okay so the cry-looking eyes don't have anything to do with anything really except that as I type I keep being reminded of them by the burning and the sniffing. Why do dripping eyes always have to bring along the dripping nose? Sniff Sniff. Oh well.
So, my new hobby- when I walk places I like to look at the faces of the drivers as they pass by. The best is when I'm using the crosswalk and I get to see the drivers faces who are trying to make a right hand turn. Their eyes glare at me as if to say: "Who has the audacity to step foot in my road?" And then the second they think they can get around me without clipping me, they zoom past. I shrug a little once I reach the safety of the sidewalk. I feel a little bad that I ruined their day like that. But mostly I feel extremely overjoyed for them knowing that the worst part of their day is a 5 second pause to let me across the street. Their life must be something spectacular!
If you ever find yourself enraged by the person keeping you from the beloved right hand turn, then stop, and smile. Life is grand! No boss will yell at you today! No child will enter a battle of wills against you! No car accidents! No war! No world hunger! Have no fear because the worst part of your day today is little ol' me! I almost feel like a super hero! Environmentalist are right- walking to school really is saving the world.
One more thing on the topic of walking. I think I am going to start working on a patent for a new invention. It's similar to a catapult. When you press the little button at the corner that lets the mainframe know a pedestrian needs to cross, the catapult would engage. Once the little lighted man appeared on the sign across the street, the catch would release sending the people soaring to the other side. I know what you are thinking...there must be all sorts of liabilities to sort out what with all the people flying through the air willy-nilly like that just to land on concrete. But I'm sure congress can sort that out. Maybe a foam pit at each street corner.
Yes, my invention would have to be extremely accurate for that to work. And I would need to account for the brittle bones of old people and the metal gears of the riders' bikes that may become lodged in another's ribs or skull. Maybe the government can handle that one too. Like laws about who can use the cross walks and maybe even a licensing process. Everyone who wants to walk would have to prove themselves fit enough to cross the street and vow to do so unencumbered.
This must all seem like a lot of work but really, this is the only solution I can see to the pressing problem of crosswalk crossing time. Sure, we could just make the time the little walking figure appears longer and keep the red stop walking hand at bay say...oh I dunno, a reasonable amount of time for an average individual without super human speed to get atleast most of the way across the street. But come on, that sounds too easy and logical. Which probably means it would never work.
I bet the right hand turning drivers would like the catapult idea as well. Not only would it get them past quicker, but it would be like a fun arcade game- trying to avoid the flying pedestrian from splatting on your windshield.
The more I think about this, the more scientifically complex it sounds. And boy do I hate science. I guess it's back to the drawing board.